While I tend to try and keep mosts postings aimed at a large audience, sitting here drinking my coffee this morning, I decided to break away from the norm. You see, I, Mary Rose Varuska, suffer from clinical depression. This by no means is a rant about how low my life is or how hard I have it, because quite honestly, that’s just not the case.
I first started noticing my mind wandering into very low periods of depression when I was in high school. I didn’t put too much stock in it – my best friend was always there to help me through bad days and my time was occupied with sunshine and adventure. My mood changed as quickly as the weather in a Florida summer; sunshine and smiles turned to grey downpours at the drop of a hat. I felt hopeless. I felt broken. But then, after months, I would feel like me again.
I’ve slowly fallen back into a low phase. As a new mom, I was terrified of falling prey to postpartum depression, but had no signs. After 17 months of having our sweet little boy, the feelings of sadness and an all too familiar sense of dread set in. You see, depression can come when you least expect it. It can come at times when you feel on top of the world. Slowly I slipped into a fog, one that I’m still in.
Depression is a cheeky foe. Cropping up only a handful of times in ones life, the episodes can last for days, months, or even years. I had very little coping mechanisms when I was 16. Occupying my time and trying not to sleep for fear of nightmares, I was in a stranglehold. But now, with the help of the most wonderful man, I have a new outlook. One of my all time favorite movies, Big Fish, states that “a dangerous path is made worse by darkness.” You may not see it now, but there is always light to be found in even the most dim, desolate situations.
Just keep swimming.
I know Finding Nemo may seem like an odd way to share how to cope, but hear me out. For those of you who have felt this way, felt like you may not pull out of the funk that is this dreaded feeling, it does not last forever. When you feel like there is no other option, no one to turn to, no light up ahead, stop. Take a deep breath. Just keep going. I know the thoughts that meander around in your brain like tiny knives waiting to cut down any hope that tries to grow.
That hope will grow. It will flower into the most beautiful days of your life and give root to a life uncompared, a life that is unique and yours. Don’t be afraid to seek help. We as humans were designed to utilize the love and strength of our fellow man.
And remember, someone loves you.
I love you.
For more support, visit these wonderful resources:
Original Post January 11, 2015 on http://www.atlanticdaydreams.com